Gushing, updates, and a variety of other stuff (this may go on for a while)

So I've been busy being home from college and spending time with my three younger sliblings, M, R, and J (that's in order from oldest to youngest, and we're each approximately 3 year apart, with me being twenty and J being 11). I've also been getting together with friends and having late night discussions with SG (Southern Gentleman for those of you who are new... my rather recent boyfriend)- first with him at home and then with him when he was in NM. He's working at a camp over the summer, and he was at base camp for training, but now he's in the back country and has no internet access, so I was trying to get as much time with him as possible before we were out of contact for two and a half months. We'll be able to snail-mail each other, but that's about it.

My family is throughly enchanted with SG, despite the fact that none of them have met him in person first (well, maybe with the exception of my dad, but my dad sees I'm happy so he's not going to complain about SG). My mother likes SG because he's been sending me LOTS of letters and e-mails and cute pictures. Like this one:
*sighs* (It's part of a bigger picture, but I decided to crop it, just because I make it a policy not to put pictures of people I don't get permission to post on the blog. I haven't told him about this blog yet, it's like a journal and while I know in reality it isn't, it's nice to have a space that's private.)

My mother is convinced he's too good to be true. I think I might agree with her. Or at least I still don't quite know how I ended up with someone who is so... enchanted (seems like the right word) with me. I mean, I'm special, but I had no clue there were boys like this, who would even be comfortable expressing stuff like that.

My brother (M) talked with SG on the phone, and they bonded over Star Wars, guns, and comics. Before my brother talked to SG, M was openly hostile to the idea that I had a boyfriend. Now M is positively game for SG. *Shakes head*

R, my sister, likes teasing me about him, and the fact that I can now be made to blush very very easily whenever she teases me about SG.

J, on the other hand, just thinks it is cool that I have a boyfriend, and is just happy for me in general.

Me? Well, I'm reveling in the fact that I have a boyfriend who is so besotted with me, and still reeling under the fact that he thinks I'm beautiful... (I think I'm beautiful {most of the time} but it's hard to see that other people agree with me. After all, I'm just a little crazy).

I've been reveling in the fact that when we talk online, all it takes is a few rather explicit or suggestive comments from me, and I've got him aroused... after all, I've never done any of this before, no matter how much I've read!

It's also funny- with all this distance, I find myself saving tidbits of my day to tell him about in my letters. There's all these little reminders that I have a boyfriend (as if I'd forget!). And well, there's thinks I keep on thinking I want to try out on him, but I can't because he's so far away. I never imaged that I would be this... curious. I want to try it all, within limits. And as I become more comfortable around him, and as we talk about things, I find myself frustrated that I can't jump him.

Although we've made some interesting forays into IM-making out, and while it's nothing like the real thing, it has demonstrated to me that something I thought I would never be interested in doing I like doing with SG.

And he tells me nice things and makes me smile, and feel special.

Which is all very novel to me.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I've lost 50 lbs in the last year. I still have more than 50 to go before I'm at my goal weight, but I find myself with a new kind of confidence. I also find myself wanting to seize onto different chances and activities- which is one of the reasons I'm so scared/excited about going to Sweden this upcoming semester.

But I still have to get through the summer.

And I'm rambling. The point I was trying to make, is even when I was overweight, I liked myself and I knew my friends liked me for me... because quite frankly, I knew my body wasn't particularly one of the most endearing characteristics of myself. I was overweight, and I knew it, but I didn't think of it as part of who I was. I tried to make sure that who I was wasn't defined my my weight.

But still, now that I'm lighter, it's hard to think that a person is attracted not only to my personality, but to my BODY. I can accept that people like me because of the way I act, my values and my charisma (or my particular brand of it), but I find it hard to believe that Michael would want to play with my body because he's attracted to it.

Even when all evidence points to the fact that he likes my body, likes sucking my nipples, and holding me close, and making me gasp with pleasure. He likes playing with my hair, stroking my bare skin, kissing my nose and lips, licking my ear, and making me moan.

I'm getting to the point where I accept it, but some days are harder than others.

And then there's the fact that he's willing to wait for me, and work at our relationship (even though we were only going out for three weeks, and crushing on each other for probably another three weeks before that) while I'm in another country. There's so many problems in our path, but he's willing to work through them with me because he likes me that much.

He says he loves me and that scares the fudge out of me.

But it also makes me insanely happy.